‘Housewives’ go ‘glamping’ in the wilderness

Greetings, folks! Welcome to another thrillng preview of “The Real Housewives of Orange County,” season 7 edition!

Here we give you, dear readers, a sneak peek at what transpires on the next installment of Orange County’s best-known (and most-hated?) reality TV series. Episode 10 airs tonight (4/17) at 9 p.m. on Bravo, or earlier if you have satellite TV or Bravo’s HD channel. Check your local listings.

Tonight’s episode begins with Tamra Barney and Vicki Gunvalson. Tamra is recovering from breast-reduction surgery, and Vicki is visiting her Ladera Ranch house. “Where are your (breasts)?” Vicki inquires.

“I don’t know why anybody would want iddy biddy (breasts),” Vicki says.

“Knowing Vicki, I think she’s a iddy biddy jealous of my iddy biddy (breasts),” Tamra says in a separate interview.

Tamra asks about what happened at the bowling get-together, and Vicki explains that Sarah Winchester went bonkers during the “bowling for champs” party.

Vicki says she’s been chatting a lot lately with Alexis Bellino, and they are “kind of buddies.” Tamra finds this annoying, and thinks Vicki is trying to make her jealous.

In a one-on-one interview, Vicki says, “Well, hold on a second, you’re talking to Gretchen, so…”

As Vicki is leaving, she says, “You have no (breasts), and you have no butt.”

Tamra says, “I have a butt!” and then, “Thanks!”

In the next sneak video, Alexis chats with her friend Shannon, and the two share glasses of red wine.

Alexis says she has planned a girls’ trip to go glamorous camping, or “glamping,” in Santa Barbara. “It’s like what you want to do when you want to be one with nature without touching it,” she says. “People don’t know that I’m a Missouri girl, and that I’m used to camping and I’m used to animals. I think it’s good to take them out of this environment, what we’re used to being in.”

Alexis asks Shannon to go with and be her nurse (since Alexis is recovering from nasal surgery), and Shannon agrees.

Alexis says Gretchen Rossi might go, Tamra won’t go because of her breast reduction surgery, Vicki is going with daughter Briana Wolfsmith, and newest Housewife Heather Dubrow has confirmed.

“Sometimes she says things are a little harsh, or… she has a lot to say,” Alexis says about Heather. “She’s always talking, and she knows a little bit about everything.”

Alexis says she’s hoping that “glamping” will held her and Heather get off on a better foot.

In the next sneak video, we see Gretchen packing and getting ready for “glamping.” However, her boyfriend Slade Smiley convinces her not to go, because she’s got an upcoming gig with the Pussycat Dolls in Las Vegas.

Then we see Alexis and friend Shannon driving to Vicki’s Coto de Caza house, where all the ladies are gathering before taking off for their “glamping” trip. Alexis and Shannon arrive, followed by Heather and an assistant.

“There’s no reason to be rude,” Alexis says. “If you can’t fight ’em… what’s the saying? If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em.”

In the next sneak video, we see the Housewives trying to barbecue food. Alexis starts ordering a pizza on her cell phone, and the other ladies insist that they don’t need to order a pizza.

While cooking, Vicki says, “I need a long tongs.” Heather says in an Asian accent, “You need a long tongs?” Vicki says, laughing, “It’s like I’m going to Hong Kong.” It’s all rather racist and pretty offensive, and I’m going to file a complaint with Bravo and the Federal Communications Commission as soon as I get some free time in my life (which is probably never).

The Housewives hear a sound in the wilderness. Briana says it was a branch, but Vicki says she thinks it was a bear. Briana runs into the wilderness to check it out.

All of a sudden, we see a skunk enter the campgrounds. Vicki yells and chases it and records it on her cell phone. Heather observes, “I am no woods expert, but I think this is something you don’t do.”

In the next sneak scene, we see the Housewives enjoying breakfast inside the cabin. They talk about getting robbed, and Heather advises Alexis that she get insurance on her diamond rings and get them re-appraised.

Alexis says she wears a fake ring most of the time.

“But if it’s insured, then why do you care?” Heather says. “Why wouldn’t you just wear the real one?”

Heather says in a one-on-one interview, “If you have a ring, wear it. Something about what she’s saying all the time with me seems slightly phony.”

All the Housewives agree it’s time to go home, and Vicki says, “I don’t want to be in the wilderness anymore.”